Monday, April 30, 2012

Fifty Shades and Women's Rights

Since reading the Fifty Shades of Grey I find I still am on the fence on whether I "like" the story or if "love" it. I'll get back to you on that. It's been said by folks like Dr.Drew and even Dr.Phil that the 50 Shades is demeaning to women, abusive, simulates rape, and applauds sadism. My question to these people is: "Have y'all read the books? I mean really read them instead of just scanning and picking out the parts you find shocking?" For those of you who have not read books 1-3 this is a SPOILER ALERT! Click off this blog right now should you not want parts revealed before you've had a chance to read them. Go ahead, I'll give you a few minutes. I'll even put on some elevator music while we wait. Ready? Okay, Fifty Shades character, Christian Grey is not only a self made millionaire at quite a young age(probably a child prodigy-we don't know but let's face it-the dude is smart.)Everything on the outside would leave one to believe he is perfect in every possible way, but he's not. The sexual behaviors such as the BDSM ARE NOT what makes Christian imperfect. I mean unless you are practicing the Missionary position, anything can be labeled "indecent" or "kinky" it is all just a matter of preference. In early primitive cultures women were mounted like animals. In some cultures women were kept in Harems and taught how to "please a man". During both the Spanish Inquisition and in 1692 Salem,Mass.,couples that engaged in sex that was not sanctioned by the church were deemed heretics, witches, and of the devil. I don't know about you, but I don't want to be put to death or burned at the stake just because of my sexual preferences. So even though Shades hits on some Taboo kinkery here, I think it is pretty mild compared to what the human race has done since the dawn of time. I mean you didn't really think that the Mother ship just crash landed here did you? So back to Christian Grey. Christian and many other practitioners of BDSM like the control and the pleasure/pain aspect. There are levels to BDSM. Some are more severe than others and in my opinion-Christian with Ana is pretty lukewarm. In the books we find out that Christian was abused and neglected as a young child. Even after his adoption by the Grey's he could not interact as a normal child despite all the love they gave him. He could not bear to be touched and needs control because at the age of 15 he was out of control with anger mixed with puberty. His mother's friend, Elena takes Christian under her wing but it's the kind of wing a pedophile would offer a confused and impressionable child, which Christian was. She pulled Christian into her world and so you gather that all his walls, his bossy nature, his over reactions,and such are due to abuse in two phases of his childhood. When he was young-his mother did not protect him and neglected him due to her drug addiction and the abuse he suffered at the hands of her pimp. He grew up in extreme poverty and hunger. At another stage in his life, puberty he was seduced and mentored by a woman who should have known better who had some sort of sick attachment that led her to carry on a liaison with a teenage boy that grew into a young man. Dr.Flynn would explain to Anastasia in book 2, that Christian is not a sadist even though he believes himself to be one. He also discloses to Ana that Christian by-passed his adolescence and how to deal with feelings, emotion, and certain other areas of his psyche. All makes me think of the Freud's theory on the stages of development and if you skip one then you can look forward to many years of therapy. So what is with this about Women's Rights and Fifty? Many claim the books promote abuse even rape in women. If you come to that conclusion I urge you to go see a therapist. I have read the books twice now and even took notes and I do not see abuse. I see disagreements and I see a man trying to cope and come to terms with loving a woman who goes against everything he's put in place as a safety net and combating his fears. I believe had E.L. James written the book in more than just one POV,we would have seen that and these people claiming abuse and disrespect to women would see what those of us who have actually read the books to see, is that Christian Grey may have kinky and out landish tastes when it comes to sex but there's more going on with him than just the label of being an abuser of women. I would also challenge folks to brush up on BDSM. There are never BDSM relationships within the community of BDSM practitioners that are not willing and consenting adults. Each BDSM relationship(s) is different and again go on different levels from mild to severe. They adhere to strict guidelines(for example Christian's contract in book 1) and there is an undeniable trust. There may not always be love but there is the bond for respect of trust. You'd be supprised dear readers at the many walks of life who opt for the ball gag lifestyle. For me, I'm not really too far into a bunch of hardware and being flogged but then again, I've never tried it. So to each their own. So the next time you hear about Fifty Shades of Grey promoting abuse-I want you to laugh and tell them to go adn read the books instead of watching a talk show or skimming through it.


Anonymous said...

Can you tell me the name or episode where, Fifty Shades, was discussed on Dr Phil? I have been searching but can't find it. Thanks!

Nicole Noffsinger said...

Anonymous-It was not discussed on the Dr.Phil show but it was a comment made by Dr.Phil on a news program.

Erotica, She Wrote said...

Hi Nikki,
I'll start off my reply by saying that since writing so much lately, my reading had been on the backburner for a few days. In any case, I'm glad I chose this article to read because I like your POV/opinion.

I have NOT read any of E.L. James' book and don't intend to for two reasons, ONE) don't think she's writing anything that hasn't already been written by many erotica writers in the past, she just happened to bet there at the right place and the right time, that's all and TWO) I've already heard SO much about the book from the media that I'm desensitized to it.

Now, back to the Women's Rights point you speak of. People, feminists in particular love jumping on the 'offensive sex' soapbox. As you pointed out the very act of a sexual encounter could be seeing as offensive depending on someone's preference (and moral view of course). For example, some women believe that performing oral sex on a man is demeaning.

That's all I have to say for now. BTW, thanks for the LIKE on FB and your YouTube follow, it is appreciated.


PS: Do you think that the same group of people I refer to above would think that a man performing sex on a woman is demeaning?? ;-)

Nicole Noffsinger said...

Thank you Marie for posting! I agree that Feminist and others (won't point the finger here) view anything other than straight sex with use of the Missionary position is amoral. I think that one of the messages that Fifty shares with most Erotica novels is that sex can have many dimensions and that people (consenting adults) should go outside their comfort zone and try what works for them. I think that any kind of oral sex to these above mentioned groups in your post would find it amoral. I gladly do not share that view point. I mean there are some religions that say a man that masturbates is evil. Man, a lot of teenage pubescent boys are in trouble then.